Harlequin Historical November 2015, Box Set 2 of 2 Page 20

  He took a long drink of the fine, satin-smooth wine, and studied the faces of his old friends, as detached as if he looked at paintings in a gallery. Nicholas Warren was all right; a kind-hearted, harmless sort of chap, headed for the diplomatic service like Sebastian’s brother Henry. But Gilesworth and Lord James, who had seemed like such fun companions when they were at school, now had concerns that seemed no deeper than the cut of their coats and the legs of the dancing girls at Covent Garden. It was rather wearying.

  Sebastian couldn’t help but remember the men he had seen fall in battle. Good, brave men, who lived to the fullest, yet died fearlessly for their country. He had drunk with them, too, sat up late into the night joking and laughing, gone searching for beautiful women to seek comfort in their arms for a few moments. Faced the deepest instants of life and death with them.

  Yet somehow, it had felt so very different with his fellow officers. Life had taken on a rare, shining edge there on the eve of battle. A height of feeling he had never known.

  And now those friends were gone, and Sebastian felt as if he had plunged into a dark tunnel where there was no point of light to guide him. Much to his shock, he was hailed as a hero here in London. Welcomed warmly into every drawing room, begged for his ‘stories’. Even his father, who had long bemoaned how ‘useless’ his youngest son was, such a wastrel, seemed proud.

  It made Sebastian feel the greatest fraud and he was puzzled that no one else seemed to see it. He was alive and all those good men were dead in the gore of the battlefield.

  Surely there was nothing right about that?

  But no one here seemed to understand anything. They went on blithely with their lives as if nothing else mattered. As if the world outside their little island wasn’t exploding into pieces.

  Sebastian no longer felt he belonged in London. No longer belonged in his own skin. Lord Sebastian Barrett—who was that? With his fellow officers, he had felt he found himself, his true self, at last. For so long, his whole life really, he had felt the tug between what he felt inside and what his family thought. Once he was in the Army, he could just—be. Here, there was only a cold numbness, that terrible distance. He found he would do anything, try anything, to be warm again.

  The only time he had felt anything since he came home was when Miss Mary Manning had smiled up at him today in Lady Alnworth’s drawing room. Miss Manning wasn’t flashing and flirtatious like her friend Lady Louisa, to be sure, but there was such a quiet, dignified beauty to her. A solemn, deep perception in her grey eyes that he hadn’t found in anyone else in London. They all swirled on with their merriment, never stopping to look.

  Yet Mary Manning seemed to look. Her very stillness seemed to be a refuge, no matter how brief. He had wanted to sit with her, talk to her more. Maybe even tell her something of what had happened to him.

  But he remembered all too well that his father had declared Miss Manning would be a suitable bride for Sebastian’s brother Henry. The perfect, intellectual son, destined to carry on the Barretts’ great tradition in the diplomatic service. Sebastian had thought nothing of it when he heard his father and Henry talking about Mary Manning. After all, he did not know her and his thoughts and nightmares were still all of the battlefield. He didn’t care who his brother married. Surely they would be the perfect, dignified couple, a credit to the Barretts and to England.

  It was obvious Henry cared little for Miss Manning beyond who her father was, the famous and well-respected Sir William Manning. That was how all their family’s marriages were conducted.

  Yet now Sebastian had met Mary Manning. And she was most unexpected.

  He took a deep drink of his wine, draining the glass. The footmen quickly refilled it. So, the brief moment of quiet Sebastian had found in Mary’s pale grey eyes had been all too brief. The desperate search for distraction went on.

  He studied the faces of his friends again, sweet Nicholas Warren and Lord James who would always follow him anywhere. But Paul Gilesworth—he always knew where the most trouble was to be found. He revelled in it. He would surely know of something that would make Sebastian forget the great waste of his life for a time.

  ‘So, no Lady Louisa Smythe,’ Gilesworth was saying with a laugh. It seemed Sebastian had missed more of the listing of various ladies’ attributes. ‘She would surely be easy enough to lead astray, but the trouble with her father afterward wouldn’t be worth it. I for one have no intention of ending in parson’s mousetrap before I’m forty.’

  ‘But that’s the trouble with every young lady in London,’ Lord James said with a sigh. ‘Their papas are most vigilant.’

  Gilesworth gave a sly laugh. ‘Not all of them, surely.’

  ‘For respectable young ladies, it must be,’ Nicholas said earnestly. ‘That is how it should be. But demi-reps...’

  ‘Where is the challenge in that? Or even in flirtatious young misses like Lady Louisa,’ Gilesworth said, his lips twisting.

  A challenge. Surely that was what Sebastian needed now. He gestured for more wine as he turned that intriguing thought over in his head. Every day in the Army was a challenge. In London, there was only ever that numbness.

  ‘What do you mean, Gilesworth?’ Sebastian said. The others turned to him with startled looks on their faces, as if they had rather forgotten he was there. ‘What of a challenge could there be in London?’

  Gilesworth’s eyes narrowed. He looked as if he had some scheme going in his mind, sharpening his features, and it roused Sebastian’s own instincts for trouble. ‘You talked rather quietly with Miss Mary Manning today, Barrett.’

  Sebastian saw again Mary Manning in his mind, her sweet smile, the gentle touch of her hand on his arm. ‘So I did. She was rather unusually intelligent. What of it?’

  ‘A lady like her would probably be something of a challenge.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ Nicholas said. He was beginning to look rather alarmed, which Sebastian was sure must be an interesting sign.

  ‘Miss Manning is no flirt, despite her friendship with Lady Louisa,’ Gilesworth said. ‘She has not been long back in London, due to her father’s work, but no one ever has a word of criticism for her. She is pretty, polite, calm, a fine hostess for her father. She couldn’t put a dainty slipper wrong.’

  Sebastian saw where Gilesworth was going and it made him scowl. He drank down the last of his wine, letting the hazy distance of the alcohol add to his own cold numbness. ‘So, in other words, she is exactly what she should be?’

  Lord James gave a snort. ‘Are any of us what we should be?’

  ‘Exactly,’ Gilesworth said. ‘Surely no one is perfect inside—even a quiet lady like Miss Manning. She must have a few wild thoughts running through that pretty head.’

  Sebastian stared down into the ruby dregs of his glass, but he didn’t see the wine. He saw Mary Manning’s face, the way she smiled at him, so shy and trusting.

  Wild thoughts in her head? Oh, how he would like to know what those were! Sebastian almost laughed to imagine Mary Manning going wild, her skirts frothing around her slender legs, her laughter ringing out like music.

  And then suddenly he wasn’t laughing any longer. The thought of her breaking free, taking him by the hand and drawing him with her into the sunshine, made him feel sad—and also, strangely, hopeful.

  ‘All the ladies seem to talk of nothing but your heroics of late, Barrett,’ Gilesworth said. ‘Even Miss Manning seemed most fascinated by you today. If anyone could break through such cool perfection, surely it would be you.’

  Sebastian shook his head. ‘My brother is the one who is interested in Miss Manning.’

  Gilesworth and Lord James laughed, as Nicholas watched them, wide-eyed. ‘Your brother Lord Henry is surely not interested in anything besides his own career. He is as cool-headed as Miss Manning herself. No, I would wager if anyone could break through to the
perfect Miss Manning, it would be you.’

  ‘A wager?’ Lord James cried. ‘Oh, marvellous. I haven’t heard an interesting wager in ages.’

  Sebastian studied Gilesworth carefully. He didn’t quite trust his friend’s smile, but he found himself intrigued rather against his will. ‘I may be wickedly bored, but I do not wager on a lady’s reputation.’

  Gilesworth waved his hand in a dismissive gesture. ‘No one is suggesting we ruin a lady’s fair name! Only that we provide her—and ourselves—with a bit of fun. It has been a most dull Season. Surely even Miss Manning deserves a laugh before she retreats into a blameless life as Lady Henry? If she does become Lady Henry in the end, which I doubt.’

  ‘Then what are you suggesting?’ Sebastian said in a hard voice.

  Gilesworth leaned over the table. ‘Just this—fifty guineas says you won’t be able to steal a kiss from Miss Manning at the Duchess of Thwaite’s ball.’

  ‘Fifty guineas?’ Nicholas gasped.

  Sebastian did not look away from Gilesworth. ‘I told you. I won’t ruin a lady’s reputation.’ Not even to break that terrible coldness around him.

  Not even if he was tempted by the thought of kissing Miss Manning. And he was tempted. Far more than he cared to admit. Surely the touch of her lips, so sweet and innocent, could make him feel alive again?

  ‘No one would know but us, Barrett,’ Gilesworth said. ‘And Miss Manning, of course. Give her a thrilling memory. If indeed there is something of fire under her pretty ice, which I am not at all sure of.’

  Sebastian sat back in his chair, turning his empty glass around in his hand. There was such a stew of feelings seething inside of him: boredom, desire, intrigue. It was the first spark of warm life he had felt in too long. And yet surely it could not be right.

  Maybe he was the rake London society had proclaimed him to be after all.

  ‘Very well,’ he said. ‘I shall endeavour to kiss the lady just once at the duchess’s ball.’

  Yet even as he shook hands with Gilesworth to make their devil’s bargain, he knew something momentous was going to happen.

  Whether for good or ill, he could not say. He only knew Mary Manning had suddenly made him feel alive again.

  Chapter Three

  Mary watched her reflection in the mirror as her maid put the last touches on her coiffure for the Duchess of Thwaite’s ball. Usually, she saw none of the elaborate process of braiding and pinning. There were too many other things to go over in her mind. The people her father wanted her to talk to at the party; remembering everyone’s names; organising their own dinner parties and who would require return calls and invitations later.

  She knew the maids knew their jobs and trusted them to make her look presentable. She knew that she herself could always be called ‘presentable’. Pretty enough, always suitably dressed, knowledgeable enough of fashion. She had always been taught to be appropriate.

  But she was certainly no stylish beauty like Lady Louisa, or like her own mother. Maria Manning, with her dark Portuguese eyes and musical laugh, had always dazzled everyone. Mary knew she didn’t have it in her power to be like that, so she did all she could otherwise. Studied, watched her manners, tried to be helpful.

  But tonight she found herself peering into the looking glass as the maid twined a wreath of pink-and-white rosebuds through the braids of her glossy brown hair. She felt so unaccountably nervous tonight, almost unable to sit still. Her thoughts wouldn’t stay put on her duties for the duchess’s ball, but kept darting all around like shimmering summer butterflies. And she knew exactly why she felt so flighty tonight.

  Lord Sebastian Barrett.

  Just thinking his name made her want to laugh aloud. Mary found she couldn’t quite quell her confusion, that feeling of warm, bubbling anticipation mixed with the twinge of fear. Would he be there that night? She knew Lady Alnworth had said he would. The duchess’s ball was the event of the Season, and Lord Sebastian was the hero of London at the moment. Surely she would see him there.

  Yet if he were there, what would she do? What if he talked to her—or didn’t talk to her? He was so very handsome, so very sought after, he could certainly have his pick of feminine company.

  She remembered the way he had smiled at her in Lady Alnworth’s drawing room, the easy way they had talked together. When she was actually with him, there hadn’t been this fear. It was only now, thinking about him in the silence of her own room, that she felt so uncertain about everything. And Mary hated being unsure of what to feel, what to do.

  She closed her eyes and remembered that morning, when she had gone to take the air with Lady Louisa in the Smythe carriage at the park and she had glimpsed Lord Sebastian in the distance. He had looked so distracted and solemn on his horse, dressed in dark riding clothes, and she had wanted to go to him.

  Yet he had seemed somehow to want to remain unobtrusive. He did not wear his dashing regimentals and was alone at the park at a quiet hour. He seemed so distant, as if his thoughts were not on the present moment at all. She hadn’t even had the heart to point him out to Louisa.

  She had been thrilled at the unexpected sight of him and had longed to call out to him, yet something about his very stillness, his solitary state, had held her back. But then he looked up and saw her, and a smile touched his face. There was only time for him to nod and tip his hat to her, and for her to raise her hand in answer. Then he was lost to sight.

  It was that look on his face at that moment that haunted Mary now. That expression of stark—loneliness. It was a feeling she knew very well.

  ‘What do you think, Miss Manning?’ the maid said, pulling Mary from her daydreams.

  She opened her eyes to look again into the looking glass. She was quite startled by what she saw.

  The maid had tried something new with her hair, a twist of braids and curls with the roses and a few pearl pins, and it seemed quite transformative. Her cheeks seemed pinker, her eyes shining.

  ‘You are quite a marvel,’ she told the maid, twisting her head to get another view. ‘I don’t look like myself at all.’

  The girl laughed. ‘Of course you do, Miss Manning! You just look extra-happy today, if I can be so bold to say so. It must be a very grand ball you’re going to tonight.’

  ‘It is indeed grand,’ Mary said, but she knew very well it wasn’t the prospect of the ball that made her cheeks so pink. She had been to magnificent courtly festivities in St Petersburg, all gilt and pageantry, and they had never filled her with such a tingling excitement of anticipation. It was Lord Sebastian.

  There. She had quite admitted it to herself. She was excited to see Lord Sebastian.

  Mary laughed, feeling rather giddy.

  ‘Come on, miss, let’s get you into your gown now,’ the maid said.

  Mary nodded, and pushed herself back from her dressing table. Her gaze caught on the miniature portrait of her mother she kept there on a gold stand. Maria Manning had been a true beauty, with a pale oval face and laughing dark eyes, her black hair twined atop her head beneath the intricate lace of her mantilla. Maria’s smile seemed to urge her daughter to go dance at the ball, to be bold for the first time in her life. To follow in her mother’s passionate Iberian footsteps.

  Mary remembered the story of her parents’ meeting, of how her father had seen her mother at a ball and they had fallen instantly in love. Mary had always loved hearing those tales and deep down in her most secret heart she had wondered how such a love must feel. As she grew up and saw more of the world, she had known how rare feelings like that really were. She had known she would never find such a thing for herself and would have to be content with a match made of friendship. With a useful, contented marriage.

  Now—now it felt almost as if the sun had burst out from behind grey clouds, all surprising and brilliant and glorious. A man like Sebastian Barrett
was in the world!

  Surely even if he never spoke to her again, that would be enough to give her hope.

  But she did hope he would talk to her.

  Mary smiled back at her mother and hurried over to let the maid help her into her gown. It was a new creation, straight from the most sought-after modiste in London. Lady Louisa had been quite envious when she heard Mary was to have her new gown in time for the Thwaite ball, but for Mary it had been only one more correct thing to do. She had to look right as her father’s hostess.

  But now she was very glad she had the new dress. It was much lighter than the heavily embroidered court gowns she had had to wear in St Petersburg, a fluttering, pale-pink silk trimmed with white lace frills and tiny satin rosebuds. The short, puffed sleeves barely skimmed the edges of her shoulders and white satin ribbons fluttered at the high waist. There was even a matching pair of pink-silk slippers, trimmed at the toes with more roses.

  Mary couldn’t resist a little spin to make the skirts froth up, making the maid laugh. She felt as light and pink and rosy as the gown itself.

  She just hoped Lord Sebastian would like it.

  * * *

  ‘Mary! Mary, over here!’ Lady Louisa called out. Mary glimpsed her friend waving over the heads of the throng crowding into the hall of the Duchess of Thwaite’s house, waiting to make their way up the stairs to the ballroom.

  Mary waved back, but she couldn’t yet push her way through the people pressed around her. Her father held her arm as they had alighted from the carriage, but he was soon called away by some of his diplomatic colleagues. Louisa reached Mary first and drew her behind her to the stairs.

  ‘It’s all so exciting, Mary,’ Lady Louisa cried, fluffing up her pale-yellow skirts and her bouncing blonde curls. ‘I saw Lord Andrewson and his sister go into the ballroom. He sent me flowers earlier, so surely he will ask me to dance! He is so very handsome. Who do you want to dance with the very most?’

  Mary felt her cheeks turn warm and she looked away. ‘Oh—I hardly know.’